I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
