i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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