He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
