So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
