Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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