Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Randomize