i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
