just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
