i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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