I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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