Buhtt sex?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
