I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
