You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
