Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
