Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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