Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I skipped work to stalk him.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
