I need help removing her.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
