she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
