well I can't set my house on fire every night
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
