How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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