Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
