I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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