Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
