so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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