I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
