Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
