I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
