I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
