the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
