It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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