Kiss
Puke
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
