i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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