I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
