After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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