But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Drunk is a universal language darling
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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