Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
