How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
