Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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