I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
