Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
