Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
