where am i from again
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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