I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
