You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
