I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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