Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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