Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
