im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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