My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
