i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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