two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
