i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
