o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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