Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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