it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
