everyone is single if you try hard enough
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
