M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
