sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
