3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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