new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
