Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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