New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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