So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
