I'm going to jail i love you
She said her name was "party"
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
