My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
