Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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