That's when you crack a 10am beer
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
