you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
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