Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I am one with the molecules
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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