I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
