girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
