i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
