Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
