I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
