We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
