i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
