Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
