I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
