i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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